The first time I ever downloaded a calorie tracker was in 8th grade. or was it 7th?? I honestly can't remember. I definitely know that it was middle school... Ever since then, I have been on this cycle of dieting and crashing, dieting and crashing.
I distinctively remember, at that point in my life, being 140 pounds and thinking I was fat. (which news flash! I now know that i was not!)
Its a terrible thing to feel at a such a young age but alas that is the world that we live in.
I was 14/15 years old then.
not as self disciplined.
didn't have support at home that was so desperately needed.
I constantly compared myself to others, I cried myself to sleep wishing I was smaller but instead I would binge eat. I would binge drink a whole 12 pack of Dr. peppers. 150 calories times 12? yikes.
For a long time I had the unhealthiest relationship with food and it was hurting me.
It didn't help when you were reminded of it constantly. When you have people reminding you of your body constantly.
I've come to the conclusion that the people closest to you, always seem to be the ones that comment on your body the most, or remind you that "nobody wants to see that." Or make comments on what your eating.
The people closest to you can hurt you the most.
especially when it comes to body issues.
It got better after leaving home... but getting married and having a baby certainly did not help!
fast forward to July 2021. I weighed 190 pounds at the start of this almost three months journey.
10 pounds away from 200.
Thats my worst fear.
but
So far in the midst of me working my ass off I can confidently say that I've LOST..... 12 pounds.
Which considering with my track record of crashing, I say that it is pretty impressive!
In these three months, I have learned so much, I have counted so much, I have stepped on that scale every day, I have put a measuring tape around my waist, and my butt, and my chest once a week and I get excited. Every time I see a number get smaller.
now, you are probably wondering like "WTF, thats not healthy! "
and to that i say,
What is healthy for you, is unhealthy for the other.
If it weren't for all the numbers I would still be 190.
I am a big numbers person! And for me it helps tremendously to count everything!
currently sitting at 178 and I feel good, great even! Although when I look in the mirror I don't really see a difference, but I see myself everyday so thats not surprise. I feel great though.
I am currently calorie counting!
I am in a deficit of 1600 per day. I have made healthy subs for foods that I used to eat and none of my calories come from drinks!
Pro tip! Never drink your calories!
I go to the gym 5 days a week, sometimes 6 if I am feeling it!
At this point the gym is not a option. I love going, Rusty loves going, so why not?
One irk I have to say is the stall that I hit in losing weight each month, ugh the joys of being a girl.
It hasn't all been perfect, though! I've had my days! Those days where you just want to stay home, not go the gym and eat whatever you want? Yeah those! My motto is to take it all one day at a time, listen to you body and everything will be okay.
So thats my journey so far. I have a ways to go.
my goal (for now) is 140 pounds. (back to my high school weight) I really want to see how I feel when I get there and if I want to stay there or go lower. ideally I would like to get down to 120.
But we will see.
- XOXO
Taylor
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